by Jessica Delfino

I found this poem in the subway:

Fuck me in the ass

Fuck me in the grass

Fuck me in the foyer

Fuck me like a lawyer

Fuck me in the school gymnasium

Fuck me till I’m crazy, um

Fuck me like you know me

Fuck me to a song by Moby

Fuck me in the bathroom of a KFC

Fuck me in the math room of your wildest fantasy

Fuck me on a pair of designer jeans

Fuck me and then tell me what, to you, the word friend means

Fuck me on a pile of our clothes all damp from perspiration

Fuck me the way the price of a stamp goes up from inflation

Fuck me like a fat kid dancing to a song he wrote

Fuck me with the vigor of you losing the remote

It’s so nonsensical, I am thinking maybe it was ripped out of a Mad Libs notebook. It was so bizarre where I found it, it was hiding along the inner lining of my brain, and I never would have found it if the E train hadn’t been coming right at that moment. It inspired me to create the hypothetical Mad Lib it might have been derived from, were it a Mad Lib.

Mad Libs Fuck Me

Fuck me like a ______ you bought when you __________ into ________.

(noun) (past tense verb) (place)

Fuck me like a _______________ you______________when you were only_______.

(article of clothing) (past tense verb) (age)

Fuck me like a __________you dropped when your____________was in ________.

(noun) (family member) (place)

Fuck me like it’s _________and you’re__________.

(time of day) (age)

These are the answers my friend Patrick gave me for the above Mad Lib. (in italics)

Fuck me like a(n) apple you bought when you ran into New Hampshire.

Fuck me like a belt you cried when you were only 22.

Fuck me like a costume you dropped when your brother was in Italy.

Fuck me like it’s 2:47 pm and you’re 62.

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